'I can't stop thinking about it,' Oxford shooting suspect said in video the night before attack

Editor's note: This story contains graphic information. Reader discretion is advised. 

In a lengthy video the Oxford High School shooter recorded the night before the shooting, Ethan Crumbley detailed his plans and discussed how the thought of such an act was "constantly" in his head.

Oakland County Prosecutor Karen McDonald's office introduced the footage into evidence during a Thursday hearing in Oakland County Circuit Court to determine if he should be sentenced to prison without the chance of parole. The video is part of McDonald's case to show that Crumbley was remorseless in his pursuit of killing and wounding schoolmates and a teacher on Nov. 30, 2021.

"The way he carried it out, the picking and choosing of who would die. … The way he walks up to them and fires at them at point-blank range. … The way he researched and knew Michigan doesn't have a death penalty," McDonald said. "He stayed alive (because) he wanted to witness the suffering he was creating."

Audio from two clips recorded on Nov. 29, 2021, were played in the packed courtroom. It marked the first time the teen was publicly heard speaking about the shooting.

Video:Oxford shooter plans attack (viewer discretion advised)

"I can't stop thinking about it," the then 15-year-old said in the video. "... Every conversation I have with someone, no matter what, I'm thinking about it and I can't get it out."

During the first video, which lasted nearly 20 minutes, he talked about his longtime fascination with guns and an earlier desire to join the military dating back to elementary school.

"I kept lying to myself that there is something out there for me, there was something that was going to make me happy, that was going to provide me a happy, loving, caring life," Ethan said. "But it's … bull----."

The teen then launched into a long tirade against an education system he described as "useless," and how the government was "brainwashing" people to remain working class.

"I'm not only shooting up the school because I'm mentally depressed or mentally ill," Ethan said. "Unfortunately, the people I kill are the people I kill, and I'm sorry their families have to go through this, but it's for the right of humanity."

After railing against a society he believed has collapsed, Ethan said the shooting would teach "a lesson."

"When the bell rings for fifth hour, tomorrow… I’m going to walk to the dividend between the boys' and the girls' bathroom. I'll have my black jacket on and I will walk behind someone and I will shoot a bullet in their skull," he said. "... I'm going to open fire on everyone in that hallway. The hallways are too jam-packed. I will try and hit as many people as I can. I will reload and I will find people hiding. And I’m going to teach them a lesson of how they're wrong, how they're being brainwashed."

Many mass shooters leave behind messages to explain themselves, especially since most are suicidal, according to a U.S. Department of Justice-funded study released in 2019. Lansing resident Anthony McRae fit that profile when he fatally shot three Michigan State University students in February, badly wounded five others and left behind a note found by police portraying himself as a "rejected outcast" who didn't want to be an African American. McRae shot himself and died when confronted by police.

Crumbley differed from the nearly 70% of mass shooters who were found to be suicidal before or during the shooting in the Violence Project's review of mass shootings going back to 1966. He wrote in his journal that he wanted to survive.

The Violence Project experts also said mass shooters tend to take their self-hate and project it onto others, asking “Whose fault is this?” It is also a quest for fame and notoriety, according to Jillian Peterson, an associate professor of criminology at Hamline University, and James Densley, a professor of criminal justice at Metro State University. Crumbley's video appears to fit that pattern.

In the video, the teen also grappled with the consequences of what he planned to do.

"I understand ... I'm going to prison for this. Michigan doesn't have a death penalty. And I don't want to die," he said. "... I realize how valuable life is, and I realize I broke the code of what's happening. … I'm going to teach the entire nation and the world ... what's happening and how we're on the brink of downfall."

After describing the weapon he planned to use in the attack, Ethan said he had "worn my mask for too long. I can't take it anymore. I broke. I fought it for years and for years, lying to myself over and over again. But it's taught me the truth. There's no voices in my head. The voices are me. ... I am the demon."

Near the end of the recording, the teen apologized to his parents, Jennifer and James Crumbley. Both are also charged in connection with the shooting and face four counts of involuntary manslaughter.

The case is currently pending in the Michigan Supreme Court after their attorneys appealed a district court judge's decision to have them stand trial in Oakland County Circuit Court.

More:Key moments emerge in Oxford High shooter's crucial court hearing

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In court filings, attorneys have described Ethan Crumbley as a teenager troubled by hallucinations, including a demon living in his house. His parents rebuffed his pleas for mental health counseling and instead bought him a handgun and took him to a gun range to learn how to fire the weapon, investigators said.

When teachers became concerned about some of his behavior in school — including violent drawings on homework exercises and searching for ammunition on his cellphone — his parents were called to the school on Nov. 30, 2021, and refused to remove him from school. He was permitted to return to class with his unsearched school backpack, which authorities believed contained his handgun, ammunition and a journal with his plans to shoot people at the school.

"You had trust in me. I made sure you had trust in me, and I disowned you. But you should know it's for a cause and I am ruining my life and not yours," Ethan said in the recording. "Help me."

A second, much shorter, video played Thursday was recorded immediately after the first, prosecutors indicated.

In it, Ethan spoke in a near whisper. "That was bull---- what I said. I'm going to have so much fun tomorrow," he said. "I have a goal. It is to kill everyone."

After the recordings ended, Nicole Beausoleil, mother of Madisyn Baldwin, who was killed in the attack, was seen bowing her head, crying.

Such reactions after the introduction of evidence "is certainly powerful for the prosecution," said James Alan Fox, a criminologist at Boston’s Northeastern University.

"Eyewitness testimony, words on the stand, scientific facts about DNA ― those sort of things don’t have the same effect on a jury as something that has audio or video from the perpetrator himself," he said. "It makes it real to them to hear his own words."

Fox added the video will most likely impact the outcome of the hearing: "In terms of the whole notion of intent and premeditation, the fact that he has an audio talking about what he’s going to do certainly will have a powerful impact on the (court), too."

mhicks@detroitnews.com